Metal Church's "Date With Poverty" Now a 30-Year Relationship

Break out the bubbly – or maybe a shoplifted bottle of Boone’s Farm – because 2021 marks three decades since the release of “Date With Poverty,” the would-be single from Metal Church’s major label swansong, “The Human Factor.”  While bands, relationships and friendships come and go in the fickle winds of the music industry, Metal Church’s date with poverty has been one that’s stood the test of time.

“We actually thought that song was gonna make us rich,” chuckled band founder and mastermind Kurdt Vanderhoof, picking stray boots and fish skeletons from a trash can in an alley while drinking from a brown bottle marked “XXX” and wearing a wooden barrel with shoulder straps.  “We thought it was so ironic.  We laughed and laughed!  Or else we would have, if we hadn’t all been near death from dehydration after Epic Records stiffed us on our advance.”

“It’s been a crazy thirty years, lots of ups and downs,” agreed vocalist Mike Howe, squeegeeing the windshield of Five Finger Death Punch’s tour bus against the driver’s wishes in hopes of some spare change.  “You never know who’s gonna stick with you.  At the end of the day, you can’t count on record labels, fans, even each other… but poverty is one date that never seems to stand us up.”
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With touring plans on hold, the band members’ relatives are said to be enjoying some down time before being asked to put plane tickets to Europe on their credit cards again in time for festival season.  “Don’t worry, though,” Howe assures the band’s loyal fans.  “As long as we can get to the headliner’s deli tray backstage before any of us passes out from hunger, the Date With Poverty tour will be back before you know it!”